SGU: 01/05 LIGHT [SPOILERS]
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stargate_schadenfreudeSpoilers ahead on this liveblogged Tivo-blogged episode of Stargate Universe:
Tivo logline for this episode: "The plan to abandon the ship raises spirits until the crew discovers that there is not room for everyone in the shuttle."
Uh, yeah. They have their spirits raised for maybe five seconds. The show opens with Sgt.Furious Greer doing his Kino Confessional. He opines that dying by flying into a star is pretty good way to go out, if you have to go. Given that this shows a smidgen of imagination--more than anyone else appears to possess on this ship--it makes me like him even better than I do for his beating up Rush two episodes earlier. After the open credits and commercials we see Col. Young telling everyone the Destiny is flying into the sun and they gonna hold a lottery for fifteen seats on the shuttle.
But it has seating for twice that many!
But not when it's been loaded with supplies.
And besides, it only has life support for seventeen. (Note to Ancients: putting more seats into a shuttle than it can provide life support for? Bad, BAD spacecraft design. I'm just sayin'.
Someone notes that 17 > 15. Col. Young says he'll pick two himself. Someone gets snarky. "I bet I know who they'll be." Young replies that he's taking his own name out of the lottery--and anyone else's who mouths off.
Dead Pol's Daughter Chloe and Lt. Scott get all groiny with each other, much to Eli's dismay. Wow, that girl is fickle. I sense a none-too-subtle love triangle being set up.
The H.R. Lady (Ming Na's IOC rep, as accurately described by Col. Young confronts him, saying he ought to pick all 17 people himself to give them the best chance of survival. Wow. To misquote Judge Hardass from My Cousin Vinny, "H.R. Lady, that was a lucid, intelligent, well-thought-out objection. OVERRULED!" She continues to object right up to the point at which Young threatens to take HER name out of the lottery, at which point she folds like a cheap mattress and begs him not to do that before slinking off with her tail between her legs.*
Eli has a flashback/dream about his life on earth as a slacker with a disapproving mother. *yawn*
Post-coital Scott and Chloe discuss their chances of being on the ship. Scott's convinced he'll be picked because he's the only qualified pilot besides Young, who's disqualified himself. He's got a point. He thinks Chloe being Dead Pol's Kid means she's a lock too. She doesn't agree, and doesn't think she should be, though she holds on to hope that she might get chosen in the lottery.
Eli organizes more Kino Confessionals! They'll launch the Kino before the ship goes into the sun. Chances of it ever being discovered are nil, but what the hell. Chloe makes a statement, but...well, frankly, I didn't pay any attention.
Col. Young talks to Rush. One planet's too cold, one's too hot, the third is behind the sun, but in the middle orbit so they might as well assume it's habitable--they got no choice. Rush asks Young not to choose him and takes himself out of the lottery; his destiny was to wind up on the ship, says Rush, not grubbing around on some planet with a bunch of strangers who all hate him. (Okay he doesn't add that last part, but we all know it's true.)
H.R. Lady Camille Wray does her Kino Confessional, saying only to tell Sharon that her last thoughts were of her.
The lottery gets under way. Scott (pilot) and TJ the weepy medic are already on the shuttle, gearing up. Young calls out the names he draws from a case. The winners include Camille Wray andMajor Rack Lt. McBoobs Lt. Whatsherface. Eli and Chloe are not. Some NPC gets irate and tries to rouse the rabble. Sgt. Furious coldcocks him. Everyone else goes to watch the shuttle launch.
The shuttle is launched. Our doomed heroes keep a stiff upper lip. Chloe rests her head on Eli's shoulder. Tramp. Always looking for her next (perhaps last) hot beef injection. Col. Young goes walkabout with Sgt. Greer. Chloe asks Rush how it will happen. He tells her, saying that hopefully it will be quick.
Young and Greer talk a bit. Would-be Rabble rouser wakes up. We see a bunch of people doing the 23rd Psalm together. Rush is reading. Eli and Chloe hold hands. Young toys with his wedding ring. Greer strips down, apparently intending to meet his maker in his birthday suit.
Meanwhile, on the shuttle, they discover that the third planet has oxygen, nitrogen, liquid water and only a trace of CO2, which means little vegetation and temperature at or below zero. Cold, unpleasant, but habitable. Probably.
Rush finishes reading his "very mediocre" novel and tosses it aside. Then he rushes to the observation deck, laughs, and explains to Chloe & Eli that they're going to live. He's finally, FINALLY figured out what I grokked at the end of LAST episode--that the Destiny is using it's dive into the sun to recharge itself. Systems start coming back online all over the ship. Hurray! We're saved!**
Young wants to contact the shuttle, to get them back before Destiny leaves them behind. Rush (finally showing some of the assholish behavior I've come to expect) says that this would be an excellent time for Young to trust him.
Back on the shuttle, TJ is whining about the planet they're gonna have to call home. Scott tells her to "Belay that shit, Hudson!" I'm waiting for him to point to Newt and remind TJ that she survived just fine without them when they hear Col. Young hail them on the radio. He wants the shuttle to return right away, the ship's survived! Hurray!
Wait...the Destiny is pulling away too fast. Oh noes! Wait, Rush tells the shuttle pilot to fly at the planet. Eli calculates the right course and speed to slingshot the shuttle around the planet. Rush doubts his numbers***. "Math boy," Eli reminds him. It works. The shuttle is rescued.
Cut to everyone eating the mess hall. Everybody's happy and jovial until Dr. Rush comes to rain on their parade, being his usual surly, obnoxious self, pointing out that they're right back where they started. Young argues. Rush is an asshole some more. Young says Rush did good. Oh yeah? says Rush. Yeah, says Young. He was right about the power situation, he got the communications working to recall the shuttle, and took himself out of the lottery, making a real sacrifice.
Rush just looks at Young. "Unless you knew all along that the ship was going to make it," Young says. Rush says nothing, then leaves with a "Cheers, everyone." Ominous music. Meaningful glances. People comment, suggesting that he did or he didn't. Greer & TJ suggest Young let it go. Young shakes his head.**** Go to black.
*There's been criticism of this show for being sexist. Consider this Exhibit A. Young is manly and self-sacrificing enough to take his own name out of the running. Here we had a golden opportunity to show that Ming Na's character is as brave and dedicated to protecting these people as Young is--and she knuckles under like a coward. Yes, yes, it's possible that this particular (female) character is a craven scumbag. But it would be nice if they gave at least one of the women on this show some kind of heroic personality trait. Just once.
** Once again, the day is saved by...the ship. The characters don't do jack shit to rescue themselves. TheDeus Ex Machina Destiny saves them all by its lonesome. A bunch of chimps could have been tossed on board the ship via a stargate and had just as much to do with saving themselves as our erstwhile heroes.
***And rightly so, in my opinion. Not because Eli isn't a mathematical genius. I'll give them that. But because he can't possibly know enough to work the problem. What, exactly, is the planet's gravity? Atmospheric density? Where, exactly, is the shuttle in relation to the planet and what is its current vector? How close to the surface must the shuttle skim the planet to get the slingshot effect they need? At what vector to rendezvous with the Destiny, a moving target whose exact distance and vector from the planet are ALSO unknown. Have they not seen Apollo 13? (I joke--I know they have. Scott's line about "the planet's getting awfully big in the window" when he asks for the course they need is a complete steal from that film, in which a difference of a few hundred pounds of moonrocks was throwing off their course!
**** Which is just more lame-ass bullshit "mystery" crap, and doesn't intrigue me. It just pisses me off. It completely destroyed every bit of good will this not-entirely-horrible episode managed to evoke in me. At least the goddamn lights on the ship are on, finally. Maybe the show won't be so fucking dark now.
Tivo logline for this episode: "The plan to abandon the ship raises spirits until the crew discovers that there is not room for everyone in the shuttle."
Uh, yeah. They have their spirits raised for maybe five seconds. The show opens with Sgt.
But it has seating for twice that many!
But not when it's been loaded with supplies.
And besides, it only has life support for seventeen. (Note to Ancients: putting more seats into a shuttle than it can provide life support for? Bad, BAD spacecraft design. I'm just sayin'.
Someone notes that 17 > 15. Col. Young says he'll pick two himself. Someone gets snarky. "I bet I know who they'll be." Young replies that he's taking his own name out of the lottery--and anyone else's who mouths off.
The H.R. Lady (Ming Na's IOC rep, as accurately described by Col. Young confronts him, saying he ought to pick all 17 people himself to give them the best chance of survival. Wow. To misquote Judge Hardass from My Cousin Vinny, "H.R. Lady, that was a lucid, intelligent, well-thought-out objection. OVERRULED!" She continues to object right up to the point at which Young threatens to take HER name out of the lottery, at which point she folds like a cheap mattress and begs him not to do that before slinking off with her tail between her legs.*
Eli has a flashback/dream about his life on earth as a slacker with a disapproving mother. *yawn*
Post-coital Scott and Chloe discuss their chances of being on the ship. Scott's convinced he'll be picked because he's the only qualified pilot besides Young, who's disqualified himself. He's got a point. He thinks Chloe being Dead Pol's Kid means she's a lock too. She doesn't agree, and doesn't think she should be, though she holds on to hope that she might get chosen in the lottery.
Eli organizes more Kino Confessionals! They'll launch the Kino before the ship goes into the sun. Chances of it ever being discovered are nil, but what the hell. Chloe makes a statement, but...well, frankly, I didn't pay any attention.
Col. Young talks to Rush. One planet's too cold, one's too hot, the third is behind the sun, but in the middle orbit so they might as well assume it's habitable--they got no choice. Rush asks Young not to choose him and takes himself out of the lottery; his destiny was to wind up on the ship, says Rush, not grubbing around on some planet with a bunch of strangers who all hate him. (Okay he doesn't add that last part, but we all know it's true.)
The lottery gets under way. Scott (pilot) and TJ the weepy medic are already on the shuttle, gearing up. Young calls out the names he draws from a case. The winners include Camille Wray and
The shuttle is launched. Our doomed heroes keep a stiff upper lip. Chloe rests her head on Eli's shoulder. Tramp. Always looking for her next (perhaps last) hot beef injection. Col. Young goes walkabout with Sgt. Greer. Chloe asks Rush how it will happen. He tells her, saying that hopefully it will be quick.
Young and Greer talk a bit. Would-be Rabble rouser wakes up. We see a bunch of people doing the 23rd Psalm together. Rush is reading. Eli and Chloe hold hands. Young toys with his wedding ring. Greer strips down, apparently intending to meet his maker in his birthday suit.
Meanwhile, on the shuttle, they discover that the third planet has oxygen, nitrogen, liquid water and only a trace of CO2, which means little vegetation and temperature at or below zero. Cold, unpleasant, but habitable. Probably.
Rush finishes reading his "very mediocre" novel and tosses it aside. Then he rushes to the observation deck, laughs, and explains to Chloe & Eli that they're going to live. He's finally, FINALLY figured out what I grokked at the end of LAST episode--that the Destiny is using it's dive into the sun to recharge itself. Systems start coming back online all over the ship. Hurray! We're saved!**
Young wants to contact the shuttle, to get them back before Destiny leaves them behind. Rush (finally showing some of the assholish behavior I've come to expect) says that this would be an excellent time for Young to trust him.
Back on the shuttle, TJ is whining about the planet they're gonna have to call home. Scott tells her to "Belay that shit, Hudson!" I'm waiting for him to point to Newt and remind TJ that she survived just fine without them when they hear Col. Young hail them on the radio. He wants the shuttle to return right away, the ship's survived! Hurray!
Wait...the Destiny is pulling away too fast. Oh noes! Wait, Rush tells the shuttle pilot to fly at the planet. Eli calculates the right course and speed to slingshot the shuttle around the planet. Rush doubts his numbers***. "Math boy," Eli reminds him. It works. The shuttle is rescued.
Cut to everyone eating the mess hall. Everybody's happy and jovial until Dr. Rush comes to rain on their parade, being his usual surly, obnoxious self, pointing out that they're right back where they started. Young argues. Rush is an asshole some more. Young says Rush did good. Oh yeah? says Rush. Yeah, says Young. He was right about the power situation, he got the communications working to recall the shuttle, and took himself out of the lottery, making a real sacrifice.
Rush just looks at Young. "Unless you knew all along that the ship was going to make it," Young says. Rush says nothing, then leaves with a "Cheers, everyone." Ominous music. Meaningful glances. People comment, suggesting that he did or he didn't. Greer & TJ suggest Young let it go. Young shakes his head.**** Go to black.
*There's been criticism of this show for being sexist. Consider this Exhibit A. Young is manly and self-sacrificing enough to take his own name out of the running. Here we had a golden opportunity to show that Ming Na's character is as brave and dedicated to protecting these people as Young is--and she knuckles under like a coward. Yes, yes, it's possible that this particular (female) character is a craven scumbag. But it would be nice if they gave at least one of the women on this show some kind of heroic personality trait. Just once.
** Once again, the day is saved by...the ship. The characters don't do jack shit to rescue themselves. The
***And rightly so, in my opinion. Not because Eli isn't a mathematical genius. I'll give them that. But because he can't possibly know enough to work the problem. What, exactly, is the planet's gravity? Atmospheric density? Where, exactly, is the shuttle in relation to the planet and what is its current vector? How close to the surface must the shuttle skim the planet to get the slingshot effect they need? At what vector to rendezvous with the Destiny, a moving target whose exact distance and vector from the planet are ALSO unknown. Have they not seen Apollo 13? (I joke--I know they have. Scott's line about "the planet's getting awfully big in the window" when he asks for the course they need is a complete steal from that film, in which a difference of a few hundred pounds of moonrocks was throwing off their course!
**** Which is just more lame-ass bullshit "mystery" crap, and doesn't intrigue me. It just pisses me off. It completely destroyed every bit of good will this not-entirely-horrible episode managed to evoke in me. At least the goddamn lights on the ship are on, finally. Maybe the show won't be so fucking dark now.
